I do stupid things sometimes. Okay, maybe not stuuuupid things, but pretty silly things.
Example:
Last night I go to hop in my bed and notice a little cricket at the foot of my bed. Instant panic. My feet are already under the blankets and right next to the evil thing, and I know once I move them... It will jump. I try to move as slllllloooooowwww as possible but to no avail. It jumps. I scream. The thing lands on my TV dresser table thing and I'm already at my bedroom door calling for my mommy (see this is one good reason why I need a man, my own personal bug squisher). But then I think I can kill it with a shoe, IF I can be quick enough. I inch towards the nasty little thing, whining the whole time as I do so. Deep breath. These things can jump any direction at a moments notice! Swing! Boom!.......... Where did it go? Did I get it? No... nothing on the bottom of the shoe.... nothing on the dresser.... GAH! WHERE DID IT GO?!?!?
"MUM!!!!!" I yell running down the hall.
"Problem?" She says.
"HUGE bug! Bug in my room!!" Still holding the bug free shoe in my hand.
"Put Harry or Cedric in there." She suggest calmly (even though if it were her she would be freaking out too)
"Yeah, yeah. Harry or Cedric. Harry catches everything."
I grab Harry and Cedric and toss them into my room and close the door. Then run to the kitchen to get the bug spray. When I come back Harry is lounging on my bed and Cedric already asleep under my desk. Some help they are....
Since I am retarded I spray, just in case, in any nook I think the little nasty is hiding. Now my room smells of bug spray and a fruity candle. I'm gonna be high as a kite soon. After spraying I stand by my door with my shoe, waiting for the thing to hop out to his death.
He never does.
I made sure both my cats and my dog were on my bed with me before I got under the covers. Then I just sat there kinda watching TV till I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.
I feel like it is on me. Watching me. Just biding its time till I let my guard down. That's when it will strike. Crawl up my nose or in my ear and lay eggs.
Now, I'm not just crazy. There is a very good reason why I have this fear of crickets. If it were any other bug, other than a cockroach of course, I would just squish it and be fine. When I was no older than 8 I was laying in my bed all innocent and adorable. When I opened my eyes, and the light from my door was shining on a cricket no more then an inch from my nose, making it look HUGE. I freaked and leaped out of my bed, into the hall, and ran into the bathroom. Here is where I made a mistake, I never closed the door all the way. While I was just sitting on the toilet waiting for my mom to fall asleep the EVIL thing followed me into the bathroom! It hopped all the way to me and started climbing the wall! I freak again and run back into my room slamming the bathroom door as I go. I'm convinced this thing wants to get me so I sit on the floor by my closet staring at the bathroom door for it to come out, while waiting for my mom to go to bed.... so I can sneak into her bed without her noticing. It never comes back out, I don't think it was smart enough to open the door. Dumb bug. I sneak into my moms bed and tell her the story in the morning. She, of course, doesn't believe me. It was traumatizing. And now I am forever afraid of crickets.
What I said was...
ReplyDeleteI do the SAME thing. Only with roaches. I can't sleep if I know there's one in the vicinity. And I still can't kill them, someone else always has to do it cause I'm always afraid the guts are going to squish out at me! Gross gross gross.